||[Oct. 17th, 2006|10:13 pm]
Approximate Summary Of Hannah's Thoughts On The Long Walk She Took To Clear Her Head
(ie pseudo-deep ramblings that have made me feel a little bit better)
Why am I even here?
Is the reason I wanted to be here just because I'm so competitive, just because it's what I thought was expected?
Nothing here is real. This fake world of stone buildings and lawns you can't walk on, gowns, boys with collars turned up and girls with short skirts and mascara, staring into bodies and learning parts of bones, cleverness and smugness, wealth, footprints of beer in the street and formal hall, pennying and drinking, trying to be funny, stupid drunk fumbly mechanical kisses, rampant socialising and hockey and lectures - it's not the real world.
Say what you want about the stars and the mountains, but the stars are just balls of chemicals and the mountains just piles of rocks. And what what makes the world amazing, is not what it is, but that you are here to see it.
Borneo was special because of Charley and Julie and Jim, Ross and Phil. And because of you, because you had the time to stop and think and look around you.
Don't think that you're special.
Everyone else will have felt the same way before.
Think back at home, to wine and picnics in summer in the parks with friends you know and love and trust - was THAT not real?
It just takes time to make those friends. Don't expect miracles.
You've put a mask on as well since you've been here, everyone has.
Underneath those masks is what makes the stars and the mountains more than just chemicals and rocks. In you, and in everyone else.