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(no subject) [Oct. 14th, 2006|10:09 pm]
[mood |optimisticoptimistic]

I played for the blues today. We lost 3-1 but I had a really good game, worked really hard, fought for everything and got man of the match.

And now I've been sat just chatting to Marie and Lucy and Joe.

And I turned down what I think may have been a 'date' for tonight. (Various reasons.)

So on the whole... I'm feeling a lot better. A lot. I think maybe I'll be OK.

ETA: Oh, and played college yesterday. We won 4-0 and I scored two :) Admittedly the other team only had 7 players, but shh and woo!
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(no subject) [Oct. 13th, 2006|10:34 am]
[mood |goodhorribly hungover]

I'm never drinking alcohol again. Never ever ever ever ever. For at least a week. It's disgraceful and embarrassing, unhealthy and impractical. Losing your keys and then falling asleep in a bath for an hour while sobering up enough to go and find the night porter... that's not funny or clever.

I haven't clicked with (m)any of the freshers but the 3rd years are great. Though I'm going to be screwed next year.

I feel rough but I'm going to post with a happy-looking smiley, because I think this journal could do with some cheering up. I had fun last night.
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(no subject) [Oct. 11th, 2006|08:06 pm]
[mood |crappycrap]

I'll be honest.

I'm lonely. I don't feel like I've made any friends here. I feel like people around me are forming cliques and clans and bosom buddies, and I haven't met anyone I've clicked with, really.

I haven't laughed properly since I've got here.

I feel like I don't know how to talk to people, how to make friends, how to make people like me, how to get to know people that I like.

I feel like I need to pretend to be happy, to be having the time of my life, that everything's fantastic, because everyone else seems to be.

I know I'm expecting too much and too fast, but I keep going to the bar and trying to talk to people, trying to find people who all seem to be somewhere else in little groups they formed when I was looking the other way, finding that I can't do it, going back to my room. And I hear groups of people going past and calling on eachother and having a great time and being teenagers and everything else, but I can't join in. And I try, and I can't do it, and I don't know why and I don't know how.
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Poem of the Day [Oct. 10th, 2006|03:52 pm]
That the Science of Cartography is Limited

-and not simply by the fact that this shading of
forest cannot show the fragrance of balsam,
the gloom of cypresses
is what I wish to prove.

When you and I were first in love we drove
to the borders of Connacht
and entered a wood there.

Look down you said: this was once a famine road.

I looked down at ivy and the scutch grass
rough-cast stone had
disappeared into as you told me
in the second winter of their ordeal, in

1847, when the crop had failed twice,
Relief Committees gave
the starving Irish such roads to build.

Where they died, there the road ended
and ends still and when I take down
the map of this island, it is never so
I can say here is
the masterful, the apt rendering of

the spherical as flat, nor
an ingenious design which persuades a curve
into a plane,
but to tell myself again that

the line which says woodland and cries hunger
and gives out among sweet pine and cypress,
and finds no horizon

will not be there.

Eavan Boland
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(no subject) [Oct. 9th, 2006|02:53 pm]
[mood |sickpoorly]

Right, so have just had the post-mortem on last night (hockey club social) at training.
Apparently I:
-Ran into a wall
-Lay in a sandwich bar
-Stole a trifle
-Sat down in the middle of the dancefloor after attempting to dance
-Was interviewed by a TV CREW who asked me how freshers week was
-Couldn't open my door with my keys
-Had to be put to bed by my two neighbours and a concerned 3rd year.

And I don't remember ANY of it.
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(no subject) [Oct. 4th, 2006|09:11 pm]
[mood |sadhomesick]


Just had a long chat with mum/dad/J... am in my room as knackered and opting out of tonight's entertainments... still feel as though everyone is forming best friends around me and I don't quite know how to do it, reminds me a little bit of Borneo where I was having a fantastic time but just not bonding with people in quite the same way and always feeling a little bit on the edge. Basically, all a bit rambly and irrational and tired and (despite being surrounded by people my age) lonely.

But I expect this is normal? And that everyone else is really feeling the same. And that I will find my group of people and when I do they'll be amazing.


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(no subject) [Oct. 2nd, 2006|04:45 pm]
[mood |tiredtired]

Freshers week all a bit crazy, I am TIRED and it's only day 2. Meeting with DoS today, he seemed not overjoyed that I'm going to be playing hockey as well as working but hey ho, decided not to tell him that I was off to training when I left his medics drinks thang early.

Slightly weird, I know I'm not great at making friends quickly - from being totally socially inept I've trained myself to make smalltalk, but getting onto the next level of conversation with complete strangers I tend to find quite difficult. So it's a bit daunting feeling like everyone else is out making bosom buddies etc etc but... trying to be quite rational about it. Quite a fun night last night anyhow at a random party, met a lot of 3rd year medics and drank a lot...

It's the 3-legged pub crawl tonight though, so I guess I'll be getting to know at least one person very well indeed....

Oh, and I have a gown. I look and feel like Alan Rickman in Harry Potter. ie 'Overgrown bat'.
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(no subject) [Sep. 28th, 2006|05:01 pm]
[mood |goodgood]

Well, I went down to the college bar last night after bumping into an engineer on the corridor. At first was mighty terrified as the only people back seemed to be mathematicians (Mathmos, as we say in Cambridge) who were lovely (and a couple were nice) but a little bit... nicest possible way... odd. So I was starting to panic that everyone in Cam was going to be somewhat short of social skills, but then lots of others arrived and in the end spent a lot of time chatting to random people up for various reasons, getting to know 2nd years, 4th years and the odd grad student, meeting Derek the barman and generally having a really fun evening. So after a dodgy start that was a highly positive experience.

And then training today, Kali pulled out a new evil fitness thing of 800m, 3 minute rest, 800m, 3 minute rest, 800m. Did them in 3.04, 3.02 and 3.01 and was only beaten by Ellie on the first and last, but felt like I was going to die at the end. Training in general obv went quite well though as am playing for the Blues on Saturday which is quite exciting... So yep, all good.

Afternoon of getting jobs done - have almost finished unpacking apart from an annoying box of stuff-I-don't-quite-know-where-to-put eg extra boxes and stuff I brought for storage, bicycle pump, corkscrew, juggling balls (I know I'm cool) etc. Bought dad a birthday present (now need to make/buy a card...), got a college swipecard (sounds VERY dangerous, allows you to buy food and drink without paying upfront in real money... and you can spend £100 before you have to top it up... and you can USE IT AT THE BAR) and got my internet sort of up and running (though emails don't seem to be sending quite right.) A bit knackered now, going to read the paper (and possibly one of the books I bought dad, it looks interesting), overuse parentheses (just because I can) and then either have an early night or saunter down to the college bar at some point.

Fun fun. :)
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Cambridge... sort of.... [Sep. 28th, 2006|05:00 pm]
[mood |goodgood]

I’m writing this in Word to post later cos I haven’t quite gotten round to sorting out internet here…

Well, I’m kind of sort of in Cambridge, have been for the last week doing pre-season hockey training. Today I actually got into my room in the beautiful Pembroke though which is rather cool – much bigger than my room at home so working on making all of that space my own – currently accomplished by filling the floor with half-unpacked cardboard boxes and piles of dirty and clean hockey kit. I’m the only person here which is a little bit eerie as I don’t really know what I’m doing – eg where everything is, how to open the doors, where I’m allowed to walk (NOT on some of the grass!) etc etc. I heard an owl as I came in tonight on my own; all is a bit creepy! But it’s really really nice to have my own space – was crashing on Rachel’s floor last week which was fine but somewhat inconvenient.

The hockey girls all seem to be lovely as well, one little clique I think but otherwise nice. Had some nights out on our non-training days – last week we ended up at Gay Night (slightly messy but a fab evening, involved sambuca and guys in PVC suits), had a few evening chilling in Catz (St Catharine’s, Rachel’s college where I was staying) Bar, a night at the cinema to see Little Miss Sunshine (ever-so-slightly cheesy and plotless but can’t fault the fact that absolutely everyone came out of the cinema with a huge grin on their face) and a really nice evening tonight just for a meal (pizza!) and then to the Eagle for a bit with a nice group of girls.

The actual hockey has been mixed – have had a couple of really crappy games/sessions but a few where I’ve played really well – got man of the match for the Nomads (2nds) on Saturday, and had a non-disastrous run for the Blues (1sts) on Sunday. And am in the top 2 or 3 fitness-wise – in the last sessions we did a mile, then a 2.4k (1.5 miles) and then today a mile, 6 mins recovery and another mile. Did the first in 6.40 and the second caned it in 6.25 which I was really pleased by, though pretty dead afterwards. What’s good hockey-wise though is the strength in depth – the standard of the 2s is not a million miles away from the blues, they only play in the league below and are in East ie regional rather than a counties league. So feeling pretty optimistic about that.

So yeah, all in all I feel like I can do this place. And enjoy it. Hell, yes
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Rationalisation Of Embarrassment [Sep. 17th, 2006|05:53 pm]
[mood |embarrassedembarrassed]

Right Hannah. At some point you were always going to pull ****. And indeed probably *******. The fact that you pulled them both on the same night and very much in public is somewhat regretable, but at least you're now not going to go off to university wishing you had. Or something.

Oh MAN gossip travels fast in this hockey club. Do people not have anything better to talk about? I'm so glad I'm off to Cambridge tomorrow and don't have to face turning up at training on Wednesday. That would be bad.

But, as Fleur Adcock would say:

There are worse things than having behaved foolishly in public.
There are worse things than these miniature betrayals,
committed or endured or suspected; there are worse things
than not being able to sleep for thinking about them.
It is 5 a.m. All the worse things come stalking in
and stand icily about the bed looking worse and worse and worse.

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